穿過一條很長的隧道，兩邊沒有燈

“你怎么來了？”她娘的聲音不高，像是怕驚動什么，“快回去。這地方不能來。趕緊走。”她哭了。她蹲在地上，像十幾年前那個扎羊角辮的小丫頭一樣仰頭看她。“娘，我想你。”她娘沒有走過來。她娘只是站在那兒，隔著一層薄薄的霧。“聽我話。妞，養大孩子，娘不能幫你了。”然后她娘轉過身，走了。那團光散開了，隧道重新變得黑漆漆的，只剩下她一個人。她娘不讓她去找她，不能去那邊。灰姑娘醒來的時候枕頭濕了一片，窗外的天還沒亮。

事隔六年，這一次，她又夢見她娘了。不是她想夢見她，是她撐不住了。連著好幾天，她又被人訓，明明不是她的錯，她什么都沒做錯，可人家說她，她就得聽著。她從小就是這樣，溫順得過了頭，不敢頂嘴，不會辯解。她娘以前說她乖，說女孩子就該這樣。可是乖有什么好呢？軟柿子就是被人捏的。她總是想著怎么讓別人舒服，怎么理解別人的難處，怎么做才能讓所有人都滿意。

可是她得到了什么？她得到的是一次又一次不被理解。她的委屈沒人聽，她的辛苦沒人看見。她把自己活成了一個透明的人，誰都看得穿她，誰都捏得了她，可誰都想不到問她一句——你疼不疼？累不累。

灰姑娘受了委屈就會哭，眼睛快哭瞎了。

那天晚上他回來了了。他推門進來的時候，她正在泡腳。水已經涼了，她懶得動。衛生間門角有一灘水，是孩子洗頭灑的，她還沒來得及拖。他一腳踩上去，低頭一看，臉就漲成了豬肝色。“門角爛了你看不見？叫你別在這洗頭你聾了？”臟話跟著就來，一字一句砸在她身上，像是提前準備好了的。她說不是她弄的，她說她叫孩子別在那洗叫了也不聽，她說你別像個瘋子一樣——他根本聽不進去。他張著嘴，吼了一句又一句，那話像針刺的人心疼。她看到他的眼睛，瞪得大大的，紅色的血絲像蛛網一樣從眼角爬向瞳孔。他朝她逼過來，臉上的肉在抽搐，咬牙切齒的，像是下一秒就要動手。灰姑娘在泡腳，他老公回來就發脾氣。她不覺得他是老公了。他是瘋子。一個大瘋子。

她好想逃。可是她能逃到哪里去呢？逃了需要錢，沒有去處，五個孩子，小的還在吃奶。她連生氣的資格都沒有。仿佛是要撐不住了。多少個晚上她哭著睡著了。眼淚干了又流，流了又干，仿佛眼睛要瞎了。

她夢見自己站在一片灰蒙蒙的地方，像是懸崖邊上。霧氣很大，風從下面吹上來，冷得刺骨。腳下的土是松的，碎石往下掉，聽不見回響。她知道自己又在夢里，可她還是害怕。她快要掉下去了。風很大，吹得她站不穩，身子往前傾，碎石嘩啦啦往下落。她拼命往前——抓住了一株藤蔓。它從懸崖壁上垂下來，細細的，像麻繩。根扎在碎石縫里，旁邊全是砂土，連一點泥巴都沒有。風一吹，它晃得厲害。她死死攥著它，手被勒出一道道紅痕，心懸在半空中，整個人掛在崖壁上。“別抓我。”它說話了。“我不安全。你看我長在這沒泥巴的地方，根扎得不深，風大一點就連根拔起來了。你抓住我，我們會一起跌下去的。一起完蛋。”灰姑娘又做夢了，懸崖邊藤蔓都無力幫她

灰姑娘不放。她死也不放。它是她唯一的救命稻草了。抓住它，她還能有一線希望。她不能掉下去，她掉下去了，孩子們怎么辦？他們還在家里等她。她拼命往上爬，指甲嵌進崖壁的石縫里，磨出一個個深淺的血痕，可藤蔓晃得越來越厲害。她知道它在猶豫。它想幫她。可是它怕。怕自己撐不住，怕被她拖下去，怕她們一起粉身碎骨。灰姑娘不想死，抓住藤蔓不放。

就在這時候，一只手伸過來了。不是藤蔓。是手。涼涼的，帶著薄繭的，握住了她的手腕。她抬起頭，被風沙迷了的眼裂開一條縫——是娘。她站在崖邊，彎著腰，一只手死死撐在崖石上，另一只手拉著她。她穿著那件藍布褂子，頭發全白了，臉上全是歲月刻下的溝壑，很深，很疼。她咬著牙，額角的青筋都鼓了出來，眼眶紅著，卻沒有掉一滴淚。她娘來拉她了。

她娘想喊她，嘴一張就被風灌滿了。她娘把她拉上來。她趴在地上，半跪著，像以前被人欺負了跑回家撲進她懷里那樣抱著她的腿，臉埋在她冰涼的衣襟里，哭得全身發抖。她說他罵她，她說他要打她，她一個http://wap.xuanxiaor.com/wnews/49416.shtml
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http://m.lingqiao.org.cn/mnews/45018.shtml人帶五個孩子，地里的活都是她一個人干，腰疼得直不起來沒有人問她累不累。她說外面也有人欺負她，明明她沒有錯，人家就是想罵她，她不敢頂嘴，她就是想工作。她想養大孩子，她沒有一個人可以說心里話。她說她不知道自己哪里不好——是她太溫順了嗎？是她太軟弱了嗎？是她活該被欺負嗎？她跟娘哭訴她的委屈挫折。

她娘一直沒有動。她站在那里，像一棵老樹，風吹過去，葉子沙沙響，樹干卻一動不動。她等了很久，等她像從前一樣蹲下來，拍拍她的后背，說一句“沒事，娘在”。她娘也等了很久。等她把所有的眼淚都流干。等她把最后一絲力氣也哭盡。等風停下來，等崖邊的碎石不再往下掉。她娘慢慢蹲下來。她的手很涼，指節粗大，掌心全是硬繭。可當她握住女兒的手，把那些涼和硬傳過來，她卻覺得熱。那熱從她手心跳到她的手心，又從她的手心跳到胸口。

“妞，你別到懸崖邊上來。”她娘的聲音不高，像是怕驚動什么。也許怕驚動牛鬼蛇神，“你會掉下去的。”“娘，我也不想來的。可是我沒有辦法了。”“你看看你，五個娃娃，你不回去誰管？”她哭得更兇了。她娘的手攥得更緊，指頭一根一根扣在她的手背上，像小時候教她學走路，不肯松。“別期待別人一直對你好。”她娘說，聲音不高，卻一個字一個字砸在她心上，“你盼不來的。回去吧。不是你自己要到這崖邊來的，是別人把你推到這崖邊來的。可你不能一直站在這兒。你得往回走，往有光的地方走。”她娘松開手，站起來，往后退了兩步。